Thursday, November 23, 2023
The Yoga-Journey and the last message of 2023
It is the summary of my life & work of the last 5-6 years and in simple words this article is all about creating a map of life. It is relevant for everyone at specific stages of life but it can be extremely valuable for those people, who have a certain genuine kind of spiritual longing, especially for those people who realize that our life is something more than just the survival process and would like to do something good for the humanity and future generations, including our own family & future generations.
It took lot of work & efforts to create the content & context of RAVIYOG, but it is my life, it is the solution to the problem in the roots, how can I imagine to grow if my roots are weak & damaged? Today, I know very well that I am not only one to experience very difficult family relationships while some other people have even more difficult life & challenges, and the spiritual-yoga program is very helpful in every situation, because it will narrow down everything to our own individual choices & actions in life, i.e., Karma. One of the main purposes of writing down my life story is just an effort to find my own life & expression and there are 3 main reasons to do it –
1. There was no question of writing down my life-story until I did not have my own family, wife & daughter; it gave me the reason & purpose to do it. It gave me the necessary inspiration or motivation to do it while the process of completing the task itself was very difficult mentally & emotionally.
Sometimes it feels very sad & very foolish as if it is all the waste of time & energy to write down about my own failures, very difficult & distant relationship, no-understanding & co-operation with parents-family. I am not married officially or by any ceremony but I am living with the bond of love that gave a new life to my new life after the accident and after surviving all the pain & sufferings later in the following years. So, it was a responsibility to share the journey of my life with my family, wife & daughter, about the past events-experiences and to let them make their own decision, perception, opinion & judgements about myself and everything that happened in my life. I knew it very well that it will impact my personal family relationship but it cannot be ignored or brushed under the carpet because some day this poison will be affecting us in one way or the other. So, I have taken all the necessary steps to do something about it as early as possible and to put the past to rest, at least for my family.
2. The 2nd main reason to take up the task of writing down my life-story was to put the past to rest within myself; also, to look at the past without any bitterness and with better clarity.
Over the past 5-6 years, the efforts of writing & sharing my life events & experiences have given some kind of healing experience. I had realized that all the situations-circumstances will change slowly with time after the accident on 1st May 2015, the attitude and behavior of my parents-family members will also change; we all will grow old respectively but my parents are already in the old-age and with the change in time the perceptions, opinions & judgements of people will also change as per the social norms because I have learned very important lessons of social responsibility and about the “People, Society & System” in the last 5-6 years. So, if I will not do anything about the past experiences of very difficult family relationships with my parents-family, then I can never recover or heal physically & psychologically. Therefore, I have written down my life-story as it happened and put it up-online because to live with the poison and to expect for any kind of personal family happiness was impossible and to keep talking-discussing about the past forever in the future would be even more harmful for everyone. A lot of things have changed & improved with my parents-family relationship and I hope & pray that things would be better in the future.
3. The 3rd main reason to write my life story was to use as an example to explain the concept, context, and the contents of the spiritual program. It is one of best way to explain the spiritual program & principles through a real-life story by giving the examples of real-life events & experiences. Although my life is a total disaster but it serves as a good example to explain the spiritual program & principles, especially the astrology part. In simple words, it is not a normal story about the kind of pain & suffering I have gone through, without making comparisons because then it is endless, and after surviving that kind of physical-psychological trauma it is not easy to work & live a normal life but as I normally say that spiritual-living practices have been useful to recover & heal externally & internally.
So, I am giving away & sharing the final-results with everyone to find & experience the joy & happiness through very simple spiritual principles & practices of life. The spiritual-yoga practices which I follow every day is the process to empty myself everyday – whatever is going on in the life, good or bad, it should not fill-up my life- I learned to see that it is just one aspect of life. The space within – Aakash is necessary to have a higher experience everyday & to evolve every day.
To my own family, it may be the last part of my life-story which I will be sharing online and on the website; so, I am trying to put in all the necessary & important points/details. There was no desire to share my knowledge & experiences of life until I did not have a family and daughter, you gave me the reason & purpose to create the spiritual program. With the progress of yog-sadhana every day and with the progress of the idea of spiritual program RAVIYOG, I learned, healed & evolved every day. The RAVIYOG program may or may not be successful because I know very well that I am not capable enough for such a big idea of spiritual education program but it is my life. I have lost precious time of life and life-energy; therefore, I am investing everything that remains of myself and all the options & resources that I have to-create the spiritual program structure & platform. I wish and pray that you will learn, follow, and practice the yog-sadhana of RAVIYOG as early as possible to enhance your perception and enable yourself to lead a life beyond your own imaginations & expectations.
So, I have completed all the letters with all the necessary details and sent to Rumiya by email in the year 2023 before the journey to Bishkek, Kyrgyzstan. Everything will be available & accessible to my daughter & family whenever you will try to look for it and learn about it; I have written or recorded a lot of details which will help you to recognize the pattern of events-experiences of my life, to learn to co-relate it with the pattern & time-period of your life, to understand how & why I made the past choices in my life and whatever I have done up to the year of 2023. I have been running through the Ketu Mahadasha from May 2019 and it has been the time-period full of failures, hardships & challenges but I never compromised on the spiritual-growth to enhance my personality & perception of life because it is the only real-solution to improve the life & living situations-conditions. I wish & pray for the support & co-operation of every life on earth and the universal energy for the success of spiritual program RAVIYOG.
Yoga-Journey to Bishkek & Alamty in the year 2023
The year 2023 was filled with some very interesting planetary transits starting with the Saturn transit in Aquarius from Jan 2023 to Mar 2025. I was working a little extra every day to improve my financial situation and hoping that the Saturn transit in Aquarius would help to get better income opportunities. Next, it was the Jupiter transit in Aries from April 2023 to 2024 and I tried to focus on foreign opportunities accordingly. Then, it was the Rahu-Ketu transit in Pisces-Virgo axis starting from Nov 2023 to May 2025. These planetary movements would be changing the lives of many people across the world and therefore I hope that people would recognise the necessity & importance of my spiritual program to learn the spiritual concepts of Dincharya, astrology & yoga-meditation.
I have been living away from my family, wife & daughter, since Aug 2020 when I returned-back to India from Almaty, Kazakhstan. First of-all, I never wanted to get married or start a family because of my horrible past, accident-conviction-family baggage etc. I would have run away from the scene or situation in Almaty if it was possible rather than making the choice of starting a family life but there was absolutely no escape and all the events-experiences are very well written-recorded as mentioned in a previous article of my life-story. Also, I knew very well that my financial condition is very poor and I will not be able to sustain a family independently but somehow the happiness of having a family came as a huge blessing in my life. I have been absolutely committed and honest to my wife & family and I had shared everything openly about every aspect of my life with Rumiya before and after accepting our committed relationship.
Rumiya, daughter & mother-in-law came to Goa in Jan 2022 and we had the chance to stay together for less than 2 months when Rumiya went to Kerala for a job opportunity in the last week of Feb 2022 and finally they went back to Alamty in May 2022. In the last 3 years from 2021-2023, I got the chance to be with my daughter & family for less than 3 months. So, I was constantly trying to improve my yoga-meditation practices every day to find better work opportunities in India or abroad, especially in Almaty or Kazakhstan. I got a new opportunity to travel to Bishkek, Kyrgyzstan for yoga-program in the last week of May 2023. Journey to Bishkek & Almaty, 29th May to 24th Sep, 2023 –
– I arrived in Bishkek, Kyrgyzstan on 29th May, 2023. Venus transit in Cancer sign – 30 May to July 7, then it entered the Leo zodiac sign; it started the retrograde movement from July 23 to Sep 4 but during this backward movement it entered back into Cancer sign on Aug 7 and then after starting the forward movement it entered the Leo zodiac sign on Oct 2 again.
– It was the time-period of meeting with new-people, making new friends and re-union with old friends & family, renew the past or existing relationships, and a new life to relationship with my parents-family. I met new people, learned about the new place, and had some very interesting new cultural experiences in Bishkek & Almaty. I hope & wish to write new real life spiritual stories that would help in the development & promotion of the spiritual program & principles by next year. Also, I got the chance to spend some time with my wife & daughter from 2nd to 23rd September, 2023. I got the chance to visit the same place where I met Rumiya in 2020 before I returned-back to India. It will be the memory of lifetime until I will get the next opportunity to be with my family again at Semey or Almaty or any other place.
At present, the main challenge of my life is to create my own life-path by successfully launching the spiritual-yoga program RAVIYOG as far & wide as possible and yet again the biggest challenge is coming from the personal relationships because they are ready to beat me down with their own opinions & judgements, as usual it makes my life and the struggle even more difficult. My personal relationships and marriage are also very disturbed for all the obvious reasons and it is better to maintain the distance in bittern relationships, especially when the bitterness is all about my poor financial condition. Although, I have been financially supporting my wife-family within my small earnings & savings but nothing is satisfactory for the partner and my work & efforts have never been supported or appreciated. I have covered all these details & explanations in all the written email communications and I hope things will improve in the future whenever my financial conditions will improve.
I realized that I have huge family baggage and it comes as a huge obstacle in my growth at every step & every stage of life. Also, I knew very well that just trying to get separated physically from my parents-family is not the solution. My accident happened in 2015 and my father got retired the same year. He lost his income while he has his savings but I lost everything including the basic-normal physical-psychological condition which is necessary for my survival & living. I have no hope that my parents-family members will ever recognize or realize what they did or why I did whatever I have done? They will never recognize or realize that I had to suffer even more extremely because they did not understand but the spiritual life helped to recognize & realize that this generation-gap will never cover-up; the solutions of my life is all about myself and it has nothing to do with the opinions, judgements, or the actions of my parents-family. Life has been very difficult for myself and for the parents for the last 7-8 years; but for myself it was the period of spiritual-training.
My parents-family have not only made blunders that created problems in my life but in their own life as well but at every chance available they still give justifications with their stupid logic, especially my father who has unique way of ‘art of talking.’ and then there is huge ego problem, the habit to cover up everything or brushing it under the carpet while considering he did a great job…it is endless. Therefore, I had to find a solution in such a way that I do not need them to recognize or realize anything. I found the solution but it was demanding the sacrifices of my own life so I did whatever I did to myself. There is a huge gap in communication and understanding with my parents-family and a lot of unnecessary discussion has just dissolved in the last 5-6 years of spiritual life through these efforts of writing down my life-story and by creating the spiritual-yoga program. The following conversation with my father in May 2023 just before going to the Bishkek trip was the latest example – he said to me that I went to jail because of my own mistake; I said – yes and same to you papa for everything that has happened in your life and how you truly think & feel about it.
Everything revealed itself by itself
By the end of the year 2023, I feel a lot relieved for all the choices I made after the accident as the events unfolded since Oct 2023, almost 7-8 years after the accident, especially in terms of the maintaining no contact and keeping my elder brother out of my life completely. It is not like he does not mean anything to me but because of his ridiculously insane attitude & behavior which he has again shown clearly through his emails & actions; so, it is best to maintain proper distance so that I can work on solutions & the spiritual program. As I say normally that the truth will never hide, it will reveal itself. In the 2 series of email communications with my brother – around 15 emails from Aug 5 to 18 and the 2nd series of online communication of around 30+ emails from Oct 18 to Nov 4, the reality of relationship within my parents-family came out by itself. In short, almost everything about the past trauma of my life-home environment since childhood revealed itself by itself which was extremely difficult to explain or share with anyone in any other way.
I have shared all the relevant communications with Rumiya and other concerned people because some of the offensive & threatening emails were marked copy to my workplace, socio-political organizations. I did not choose my parents-family or the siblings; although I have accepted them in every sense but how to create my future and how to deal with them is a careful choice & action at every situation and every stage of life because the people with negative thinking and wrong feelings will not miss the chance to cause harm to anyone in their target, if my brother could really do something to harm me, then he would have done it long back. So, maybe in the future I will openly share everything online. The following email is the 1st reply, out of the 7 replies written by me to the 2nd series of emails communication with my brother relevant to the very disturbed & difficult home environment since the childhood –
Thursday, October 19, 2023 – my 1st reply
Dear Parents & bhai,
I am writing this reply in the same way, no hard feelings against parents or bhai. Maybe I was trying to delay or avoid it this time but then I thought better to write. Bhai, you have given the account of all the help given to me since 2006 with some of the money calculations and Papa also gave me a similar calculation verbally when I was bed-ridden in the hospital after the accident. I will give some of my accounts subjectively and only one specific financial calculation about the car as it is under discussion because I never kept those calculations.
You all have given me a lot of money in life for survival and the role & support of parents-family in my upbringing cannot be denied. In the same way, my parents & family members have played a very big role to make me who I am today and whatever I have become today for you all and for myself. If I had the support or backup of parents-family like it happens normally then I would not have chosen the spiritual path the way it happened. How will I survive if I did not have parents-family? Papa said that I am interested only to take money from them always so what will I do if you all did not give me money? I have not read Gita or Puran and I do not know a single puja-ritual so my spiritual-path is also not good enough according to you all, what kind of spiritual person I am?
The parents-family have helped me whenever they wanted or decided to help, including the financial help to give me the money to meet the expenses for survival, also it was available in instalments depending on the mood or time-period. Maybe you all wanted to teach me some lesson or show superiority or maybe based on your own analysis, opinions & judgements you made the choice whether to help me in a situation or not but it made me very good in survival. I have learnt to be alone and survive alone because most of the time I was left alone by parents-family when I needed help the most.
I realized it very late in my life that it was a debt-trap of the family-trap because I felt helpless whenever I found myself alone which happened very often especially after the accident when I needed care & understanding even more. Physical disability helped me to realize that I was handicap in many other ways also. Parents had a great power of choice to help me or not whenever they wanted or not and I was fearful to be alone. Of course, it was very painful but then on the positive side the spiritual path transformed my life completely which may not have happened otherwise.
A broken family, empty words, but no values – I have already written in the last WhatsApp message after the Kedarnath trip about some of past experiences which I will not repeat. Bhai, you are the kind of person I always keep away because of your bad habits, behaviours’, attitude. You are a chain smoker, abusive & alcoholic person. Papa is also a chain smoker. There is not a single routine or way of discipline in the life of you both. The childhood memory about the hell of my family-home is that my brother has physically abused countless number of times causing serious torture-pain and the verbal abuse was a daily routine up to the age of 15-16 years; bhai would beat me left-right-centre whenever he was angry, you destroyed my childhood, you destroyed my abilities & competence. What about it? You wanted to create your fear in my heart & mind in my childhood but somehow when life changed you want to show superiority and demand respect. And my memory of Papa, reciting the movie dialogues as the life-lessons, and then some words, Ravan-Vibhishan etc., and you should not beat me, giving Gita gyaan – ‘यदा यदा ही धर्मस्य…’ and the same story repeated.
Bhai, you started smoking & drinking at an early age. Servant room was your smoking-drinking room and you enjoyed the privileges to come home late-night being drunk. You gave me a lot of support to choose the wrong-path of life when you used to take me at the Bogmalo beachside bar whenever you wanted to drink. I was exposed to a many bad social-experiences, wrong company & environment from a very early age only through you. After passing school, you wanted to become an actor then a lot of things happened, then you wanted to get married, then a lot of things happened. After you got married then a lot of things happened until she left and made a court case against the family. And my memory of Papa during all these years is that he was helpless father. When I grew-up a little by 17-18 years of age, then I started confronting you whenever you would abuse Papa-mummy but obviously I am very late to understand the reality. If I make a mistake in your opinion, whether it is a mistake or not, you start Gita-gyaan but how would be my life if you were not a part of my life?
Bhai, we have age difference of 6 years. I had to suffer a lot by you, because of you and for so many mistakes you made in life since childhood up to the day of the accident. I have many memories of unhappiness at home, never ending disputes and abuses, and the experience of mental-emotional trauma. In 2006, Bhai was working in Mumbai and then you moved to Kandla, it was after my selection at MTI. After passing school, you helped me in Merchant Navy career right from the first step of form-filling. I got in the training in 2006 and went through my share of challenges because whatever I was in 2006 it was only as per living conditions-circumstances of family & home environment. Bhai, thank you for all the help and for visiting me once by driving all the way from Kandla and even a different version of your lifestyle and relationship with parents-family was going on during that year which was also very disturbing. The training period at MTI and 1st ship was a total disaster but I know very well how I survived that time-period and all the difficult situations. I completed training and completed 1st ship as 3rd Mate in 2010. When I started earning, I tried to support & contribute financially in the family.
Car amount – 1.5 lakh, purchased in 2011 0r 2012
Bhai, as I said in audio message that I always did things in my life keeping in mind family first. I do not like to keep any calculations about how much money I have given or spent. I went to purchase the car to make you happy and there were other times when I did things to make you happy, including to give you company when you wanted to go for a drink & relax at the same Bogmalo beach later sometimes. Around the same time or same year, you got into 2nd relationship and a lot of things had changed within our family-home environment. During these years 2011-2014, I tried to re-learn & re- think our family relationship and tried to understand everyone. I always kept my life very open & transparent with parents-family, including all the financial details without having any idea about my own individual life choices, hopes & wishes.
I met with an accident on 1st May 2015 and a lot of things changed overnight. A lot of things happened before the accident but it has no account or responsibility. I lost everything in a moment and the best lesson learnt was that I am responsible for my accident and all the consequences thereafter. Parents & Bhai, you all helped and gave all the money for my medical treatment, police complaint procedures & court case. First accident then to jail and now I do not want to say anything about anything and I leave it for time to decide. I have already written in the last WhatsApp message sent after the Kedarnath trip that I only wish for ‘Mukti.’ Whatever you all have done or not done, the results are in front of us and each one of us has-to go through the results of our own Karma. Bhai, you mentioned in our last conversation about – try to abuse anyone else the way I abused you when we stopped at Devprayag and will I go scratch-free; and how do I expect the same person to help me and give me money whom I do not respect. I have given the answer in earlier messages, in this message and during the conversation also.
Bhai, as you normally refer to Mahakaal-Mahadev, I refer to the same and he will give the unsaid answers to everyone. I said to him at Kedarnath – you see everything, now you decide. After all that has happened in my life, in our lives we are still bonded together by individual reasons, needs or whatever else. So, now let us look at the present & the future and what we can do to support each other because each one of us has faced very difficult challenges in their own way. I genuinely feel that there is a huge gap of communication-understanding among each other and so I try to communicate everything very honestly & clearly. It may or may not be pleasant but at least it will bring a little more-clear understanding of what I think & feel. I have no ego problem and I bow-down in front of everyone every day during my prayers. This time I do not want to stop our communication and I want to continue the discussions – good or bad, to continue the efforts to do something to improve our family situations-circumstances.
Thank You – the 1st email reply ends here…continued in the article – Family Emails 2023.
Spirituality in Practical Life – I belong to just another broken family, a generation lost in empty words, talking about ‘Gita’ and ‘Gyaan’ while there is no discipline in the real-life. Therefore, I share, suggest, or teach everything that I actually-follow & practice in-reality, and that is why I do not like philosophy or just the talking business of psychology. I am not perfect but I have learned to accept my inabilities and mistakes and I do not make a show in front of anyone to make any kind of false impression. Everyone is alone and on their own in this life but when our own people are against oneself then it is difficult to keep the mental & emotional balance. It was not easy to accept it and act accordingly to work on the spiritual-solutions without having any poison-bitterness in my heart or mind. So, I had to make a lot of sacrifices as the situations of life unfolded one by one.
After suffering the hell of life, I have realized it very well that I cannot escape the situations of life, it is better to accept whatever has happened or whatever will happen but I am not ready to make compromises again. The philosophy of life is known to everyone, including my parents-family members but the question is how we follow & practice it in real-life and how we deal with the situations in practical life. So, my life-story is not about the philosophy of life but more about the practical choices & actions, in the different situations or circumstances of life, by maintaining the balanced state of body & mind – this is RAVIYOG.
For almost 30 years of my life I made compromises; I kept quiet about everything that happened or whatever was happening in my family but I stopped following or repeating the same pattern after the accident, a life full of compromises was already a dead life, so when I got a new life then I changed my ways of living and the lifestyle.
I am thinking and working only for the positive solution to make a positive difference in the lives of people and I am in the process of creating something genuinely useful & helpful for the people and humanity, including my family. Therefore, I do not want to waste my time & energy on unnecessary conflicts, arguments, or disagreements whether with my parents-family or with my wife-family but it is important to show and share the reality with everyone because hidden solutions will not give any positive results when the energies of many individual people are inter-connected & inter-dependent on each other as a family, community, or society.
The article is almost completed, for any small changes or additions – to be continued…